Genuine Love - Love is Patient

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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle one of the most famous—and most difficult—verses in Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:4 – "Love is patient, love is kind."

It sounds simple. But in the daily grind of marriage, patience and kindness are often the first things to go—especially with the one person we're closest to.

🎭 The Hollywood Trap

Lisa opens up about how soap operas and romanticized Hollywood love stories gave her an unrealistic picture of marriage—all roses, flowers, and grand gestures, with none of the real-life frustrations. That false image left her feeling unappreciated and dissatisfied. The truth? Real love is lived out in the messy, ordinary moments—not just the picture-perfect ones.

🤔 The Real Question

Don flips the script: The question isn't "Is my spouse patient and kind with me?" The question is:

"Am I patient and kind to my spouse?"

It's easy to point fingers. It's hard to look in the mirror.

🧠 Why Is Impatience So Natural?
Lisa nails it: "We were born selfish people." Impatience comes naturally because we insist on getting our own way. But genuine love requires intentionality—putting your spouse's needs ahead of your own.

Don points out that if you think of two couples—one with a great marriage and one that's struggling—the major difference is usually this: the thriving couple has developed a genuine practice of being patient and kind.

🛠️ The "Stranger" Problem

Here's a convicting truth: We are often more patient and kind to strangers than we are to our own spouses. Why? Because familiarity breeds complacency. We get so used to each other that we start dismissing each other. The ones closest to us should get our best, not our leftovers.

💡 This Week's Challenge

Sit down with your spouse and discuss practical ways you can show real patience and kindness to each other. But here's the key:

• Ask your spouse what patience and kindness actually look like to them. (Hint: Love languages matter! Don is words of affirmation; Lisa is acts of service.)
• Don't get offended when your spouse shares—receive it as a request, not a criticism.
• And if you're the one sharing, be gentle in how you say it.

As Lisa puts it: "Marriage is about being intentional with all our actions."

🎧 Tune In

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee, and join Pastor Don and Lisa for Wedded Wednesday—a weekly coffee date for your marriage. Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and all major platforms. Don't forget to share, subscribe, and check the show notes for ways to support the show!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session? But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday. I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you. And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful. Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it. Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy. We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast. Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together. Welcome everybody to Wedding Wednesday. We are excited that you are here. Oh man, you know, to do uh Wedding Wednesday live on video plus recording it for the podcast. There's a bunch of steps to make it happen.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

A bunch of steps you have to make.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

This morning, I don't know what you're grateful for if you're tuning in, but we are super grateful for Colton Gosha. Uh Colton Gosho is saving our marriage so we can do the Wedded Wednesday podcast for you guys so we don't get uh frustrated with the technology that makes all this stuff happen.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

I just sit back and watch.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Yeah, well, I'm grateful for it.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

And it's just like, hey, it's all right, Don. It'll be all right.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Well, I think that, you know, we're just trying to do what we can to produce a good quality product that people enjoy that'll help. Yes, people grow in their marriage, and that is why we are doing this, right? I'm yes. Are you glad to be back in the studios today?

unknown 2:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

We missed last week. We sure did. Because we were traveling.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Yes. We thought we would be able to do something.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

So if you missed us last week, uh times were different and everything was. We're so glad that you love us enough that you missed us. We missed you. Amen. Here we go. All right, it's wedded Wednesday, and I got a topic for us. You always do. I usually have a topic for us, right? All right, I'm gonna read 1 Corinthians uh chapter 13. You wanna know why I'm gonna read that?

SPEAKER_02 2:39

Why?

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Because our second oldest granddaughter's getting married this weekend, and usually 1 Corinthians 13 is like always a scripture you hear at weddings.

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Yeah. And so uh I'm just gonna read the first part of it and we're gonna have a conversation here on a particular subject that I think no long no matter how long you've been married, whether you've been married uh just a little bit, or you've been married quite a long time, uh, this is one of those subjects that I think all of us can use a little bit more help on. Are you ready? Okay, I'm ready. The Bible says in First Corinthians chapter 13, verse 4, love is patient. Yes, it is three words. It says, Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful or proud. Love is patient. How do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Yes. Love is patient.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Do you love me?

SPEAKER_02 3:50

I do.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Are you patient with me?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

I think majority of the time I am.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Really?

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Do you not agree?

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Just asking questions.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Am I patient with you? Listen, that's too long. You gotta have an answer quicker than that. If you gotta think about it.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Um, maybe majority of the time.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Love is patient. What do y'all think about this? Love is patient. Let me ask the question this way, okay? Are you ready? Um Are you patient and kind to your spouse?

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Now, I'm not asking are you saying, Okay, so you have to be patient and kind all at the same time?

SPEAKER_00 4:33

That's what the Bible says.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

You can't you can't walk at you gum at the same time. Because sometimes you can be patient, but your tone can be not so kind when you're trying to be patient.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Okay. And I get it. I get it.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Because sometimes I think that you're trying to be patient with me, but your tone or mannerisms express something a little bit different. Impatient express something a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

You acknowledge, though, that I'm trying. That's a win, gentlemen. I'm gonna take a win anyway I can get it. That is a win. That's a win every day.

SPEAKER_02 5:18

I just go, you go, no. I no, I I understand. I go, no, I can tell you do not understand.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Here's the question for you. Now, the question isn't, is your spouse patient or kind with you? Okay. The the question is am I? Yeah. The question is, are you patient and kind to your spouse, right? And that's what I want to do this morning is I want to discuss some uh practical ways I think that we can show real love to each other. I think I think that a lot of times what happens is, especially in the world that we live in, you know, love gets so Hollywood romanticized. Okay. And um, you know, we got we get one view of the awe of love, and that is the happily ever after scenario.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

Right?

SPEAKER_02 6:07

Uh like back in the days when I used to watch soap operas when we first when we were young.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Okay, where are you going with that?

SPEAKER_02 6:15

I mean, it would make you very dissatisfied in your own relationships because operas are all about the the roses, the flowers, the romantic stuff. They never showed the reality of life.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

And I think that brings a dissatisfaction to someone who at that time was a stay-at-home mom who didn't feel valued. And I I say this because I believe that's what it did to me, and it made me feel unappreciated, unloved, and unwanted, and things of that sort. So I had to cut that junk up.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

There's a picture painted of something that's not reality uh that gives us an expectation that cannot be lived up to.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

No, I don't believe it's something anyone can live up to. I don't think any man could live up to what those things were showing.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

You're defending the gym the guys? My wife is defending us.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Or any woman.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

It's the same. I mean, some I'm not gonna share some of the ways they depicted women in that, you know, but that's not the reality of a woman uh at the end of every day for the.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

So what has happened to us, especially in the Western world, is we've got this picture of the happily ever after romanticized idea of love. Uh and most of that picture does not show us the scenario that is required uh when patience is necessary. Right. Because let's just let's just let's just be real. If you're in a place where you're having to be patient with a spouse, that means the scenario isn't picture perfect. Correct. Oh, okay. Or if you're in a scenario where you're having to focus on purpose to be kind in this moment, that means all the temptations and all the situations are telling you to be unkind. Right?

SPEAKER_03 8:30

But yeah, you got your feelings hurt. Okay, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

So maybe maybe you got your feelings hurt, maybe you felt dishonored, maybe you felt disdevalued. And so what do we do when we feel dishonored? We dishonor back. What do we feel? We devalue back when we feel devalued, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:43

Or we get very defensive.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

It's that whole thing, you call me a name, I call you a name. That kind of thing, right? Uh or you got to do this, so I should get to do that, that kind of thing. So let's let's be honest this morning. When we open up the scripture, especially married people, and we see 1 Corinthians chapter 13, love is patient and love is kind. Okay, now that's a simple statement.

SPEAKER_01 9:06

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

But it is incredibly difficult to put in practice, especially in the context of marriage. Can we just we can say amen? That's true. And and I think that's true, right? So let's let's consider this scenario. All right, and we're gonna use Don and Lisa uh here on Wedded Wednesday scenario. Right? We're gonna use that. So let's just say uh I am late coming home from work. We can't use that. No, let's do that. Let's do that. And but what happened is it's not a bad thing that I'm late coming home from work, but maybe I didn't communicate with you that I'm gonna be late because of whatever reason. And so I just I just get home work from late, late from work, and I walk right in the door, and you're, you know, you're probably frustrated. I'm not saying, I'm just saying this is a scenario. It's not like it happened last night, maybe. Anyway, uh, no, it didn't. No, I'm just saying, like, and so your first, as soon as I walk in the door, your first statement isn't, you know, how was your day? I'm I'm so sorry it was a rough day. It's you're late, maybe you had a tough day or that. It's like, where you've been? Mm-hmm. Right. And and instantly defensiveness will be in my I've been working. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Oh yeah, I've heard you say that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

I'm working, right? Or uh let's just say uh now we had an appointment, then I need to be home, and now we're gonna be late for that appointment because I had to be, I was late, I didn't communicate, that kind of thing. Or let's just say, um, let's let's flip it. Okay. We're out and you're, you know, shopping. And uh, you know, it's World Cup time right now, and USA is playing at six o'clock, and I really wanted to watch USA play. And you're taking a little bit longer than I thought you should take trying on clothes. Okay. And now what is happening? Um, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

This is really funny because these are scenarios. They are. They're really I would never do that to you, but okay.

unknown 11:21

Whatever.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

I wouldn't have you out and about. I'd go with someone else.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

So uh, you know, you you just wanted a little bit of time because you were ready to get away from the kids, the grandkids, or whatever. You just wanted to have a moment and those type of things. And and you know what? Here I am grumbling uh because you're taking too long, you know, trying on clothes and those kind of things. Uh, you know, impatience, why is it that impatience in marriage takes root easier in our hearts than patience does?

SPEAKER_02 11:53

Is it just by nature that we were born selfish people?

SPEAKER_00 11:58

There it is, right there. That's a that's the great that's the thought process I had in my mind.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

Is that like born selfish and we're yeah, we're just that's just the nature of the world.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

So think about your own born marriage for a moment together.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Amazing we have to learn to be kind.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

And and see, this is why I think the Bible specifically speaks to this moment because the God in his wisdom knew that uh patience wouldn't be our natural habit. That impatience would be our natural habit. And so he's speaking to us to be uh intentional about what it means to be patient with each other. I think that wise couples work hard at developing the practice of patience and kindness. And and I'm just gonna admit to you, I need to be more wise.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

You know, I think we all we all can use it. I don't know anyone that's perfect at it.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Right. But I think that, okay, let's do this scenario. Uh, we all know those couples that we believe have a good marriage. Now their marriage isn't perfect, nobody's suggesting that. But in our mind, right now, as a couple, just think of that one couple you think, man, they got a great marriage. Right. All right, we also all know that couple that we believe doesn't have a good marriage. And this is not judgment, okay, on anybody. It's just that, like, okay, you know, their marriages, there's they're really struggling.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

There's differences you can do.

SPEAKER_00 13:25

And you can see it. I would guarantee you that one of the major differences between the two couples that you're thinking about is that the couple that you believe has a good marriage has developed a genuine practice of trying to be patient and kind.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

True. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Mature couples, I think, practice that. And here's the wisdom for today. Genuine love says, what do I need to do more intentionally?

SPEAKER_03 13:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Versus uh, what am I not getting?

SPEAKER_02 14:02

And majority of the time people lean towards what am I not getting out of this relationship instead of what am I putting into it.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

See, the the impatience is in our life. Why? Because uh we really insist on getting our own way and putting our needs in front of our spouses. So in the in the situation of the ballgame's gonna be on us, my need. Now am I gonna am I gonna die if I don't get the watch? No, I'm not gonna die.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

No.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

And my question like to us really in that moment, is it worth the tension that it puts on our relationship for me to say, okay, you know, you're taking too long. Right. Hurry it up. And and I'm not saying that we shouldn't serve each other and those type of things. Uh I'm just saying, like, in that moment, I want to say, what's more valuable here? You know? Uh, or, you know, maybe your husband did come home late for work and maybe he should have communicated with you. Hey, I'm working late. Sorry, it's been a tough day. Uh, all the should have been.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

But see, that's all that needed to be done.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

Is that I had a bad day.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

And that moment, patience could be like, okay, this isn't the practice, this isn't normal. You know, something should be off. And I'm just gonna be patient. I'm gonna find a way intentionally to be kind in this moment.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

I I think that marriage is about being intentional with all our actions.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

I love that statement, Lisa. That's great. Um, marriage is about being intentional with all our actions. We should really write, we should write that down. Uh I I wanna I want to include that in our next marriage sermon series. That was really good. That was good. I've been so impressed by you.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

I mean, and when I say that, I don't mean be intentionally mean or intentionally patient and intentionally kind. That's what we're talking about today. And being intentional with affection, and being intentional with um your time, intentional in all areas of your marriage. You know, and I think when you're intentional in all areas when that day comes when the husband doesn't communicate that he's gonna be home late or the wife, then they do know something's off because you have intentional communication with each other. So when something is off, you know it's off, and then it's easier to be aware of that, and then it's easier to be patient, it's easier to be kind because you know it's something that's not in their normal pattern.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

All right, so I you know, if I'm just thinking about those two couples that we were talking about, yes, the difference is uh the couple that we would say, man, they have a great marriage, they intentionally put aside jealousy and selfishness and insistence on their own way because uh genuine love teaches them to put the needs of their spouse in front of their own.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Okay, so the surprising and wonderful truth is that the more of these qualities are demonstrated, the more they are returned. So let's say it this way the more patient I am with Lisa, the more patient she is with me.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Right. Because if it goes the opposite way, right if you're rude to me all the time or disrespectful and I feel I have to do that.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

It's really good. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

So if the respect is given, if honor is given, and if love and patience is given, eventually it'll get returned.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

So that's the hope, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 17:54

Yes. So if um So someone has to go first to do that.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Well, that's great. So the more kind Lisa is to me, the more kind I am to her. So you see how that works. Uh so that's why I think genuine love is an incredible uh thought process in the in this part of it. When the Bible says love is patient and love is kind, uh it's saying that to us because it realizes that that's not a natural aspect. Right. And it wants us to be more intentional.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

I mean, don't we wish that it was a more natural aspect, but in reality it's not.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Right? It's because what? It's because we're lazy.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

You really think that? Yeah, I think Well, it does take a lot of work to be kind to certain people.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

The the longer people tend to be married, and we talk about this, uh, the m the less sensitive they are to one another. Yes. Like in other words, it's easier to be incredibly kind and patient with a stranger than it is with your own spouse. And so if if that's a truth that just hits you right there in that moment, this is what you need to hear today.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

And but it is true, but it's also sad.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

Because the ones that we're closest to should be the ones that we are the most kind to, but we get so used to one another that we think that maybe that we don't matter as much. You know? I I don't know. I try to wrap my brain around that too. Why is it because we're so used to each other that it's okay to dismiss each other? But yeah, embrace a stranger.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

I like it. I think I think that this is just a great conversation. And so what Lisa and I would like for you to do this week, so you you've taken the time to either join us on uh the live feed here or listen to the podcast on the audio form. Okay. So why not as husband and wife take the time to discuss some practical ways that you can show real love, real patience, and real kindness to each other, and and really get a perspective from your spouse about what they believe patience looks like.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Uh or what they believe kindness looks like. Uh, I mean, and maybe we'll do this in a later one too, is uh, you know, our our biggest struggle is we always love people the way we want to be loved, and then we wonder why people around us don't feel loved.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Because uh, you know, we all know that everybody's love languages are different. Uh, you know, mine's words of affirmation, Lisa's is acts of service.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

And so the Not that all the rest don't matter. It does matter. It is, but one duh is higher than the other. It's one that you really feel the most.

SPEAKER_00 20:52

One that really feels the the tank. And so the the more I learn to love Lisa the way that she needs to be loved, the more she feels loved. Uh you know what I'm saying? And so uh me not understanding why when I tell you, hey, your hair looks great today, doesn't really make you do the happy dance. Uh it just leaves me frustrated instead of saying, Hey, can I help you? You know what I'm saying, wash the dishes or you know what I'm saying, like acts of service, that kind of thing. Now all of a sudden she feels loved. It doesn't make any sense to me. It doesn't have to make sense to me, right? What I just need to know is I need to be intentional about that. So discuss with your spouse this week.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

And don't get offended practical ways. And don't get offended and hurt because I think I I was the one earlier on in the marriage that could get offended or hurt because I felt criticized. Ah instead of understood.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Receiving it as a request.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Yes, but I took it as criticism, and I took it as I was a failure in that department or in this, you know, in doing This or that. And that was probably just you know part of past stuff and past hurts and things like that. So you have to learn to hear your spouse instead of taking it as criticism. I like it. And then the one sharing it, maybe be gentle in how you share it.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Yeah, again, kindness.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

You know, be gentle in the way you share it. And you know, sometimes people don't intend to hurt you.

unknown 22:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

It just happens. I think we have to be intentional about doing the good.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

I think rarely do we intend to be hurtful.

SPEAKER_03 22:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Uh sometimes we just uh when we're critical, we're we're we're trying to make a request, we just don't know how to do it. Maybe that's an episode we should talk about as well. So we got a lot of things, uh ideas for future episodes here, I think that'll be just practical. So we're not gonna accomplish all of it in one podcast, but we give you a little bit that you can work on this week. Hopefully, it'll be something that you can do. Hey, are you excited about the wedding this weekend? I am. You are? Aren't you? Are you anxious? Do you feel stressed?

SPEAKER_02 23:09

No, but I'm also not doing the majority of the stuff about it. So I'm praying for everybody that's behind the scenes getting away. It's gonna be great.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Uh yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Because I know it can be.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

And we're really excited for these two. But I think we love them all.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

I think the whole family is excited. Everyone's excited. People are starting to come in from the family's coming in, it's great.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

So hey, we love you guys. We want to thank you for joining us today on the podcast. Do us a favor. Okay, now we're gonna pray for you. We need you to share this. Whether you share it on Facebook, the live video here, or uh you share the audio version that'll be dropped later today. Uh, as a matter of fact, do both of that for us. Um and let's just see how many people together we can touch with our Wedded Wednesday podcast.

SPEAKER_03 23:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

All right. Should we pray for them? Sure. Let's do it. All right, pray with us. Lord, teach us to be patient and kind, and we pray that you help us to put our spouses before ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Thank you, Lord, for our spouses, Father God, most of all. And we just thank you, Lord, that um you are in the center of each home, and Father God, that you will continue to bond them together in a way that um nothing else can, Father God. And Lord, may your words come out of their mouth and may they see their spouses with your eyes, Father God, with your compassion and your love. And we just thank you for these things in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Amen. Hey, thanks for joining us. We love you guys. Um, listen, we we try to make it every Wednesday. We we've got a lot of things we can do. We do the best we can. And uh, but the biggest thing that we can do is um just share this the links for everything. And so, would you help us do that? Uh, we just want to continue to touch people in very practical ways with the idea of wedded Wednesdays.

SPEAKER_02 24:56

So it's amazing what a little just touch from your spouse can do for your marriage, you know?

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Also, like together, uh think about how you and your spouse can even just say, hey, if this helped us another another couple, it'll help another couple, and you'll be surprised how powerful uh just the just the sharing of things really is. Uh if it just saves one marriage, if it just turns one thing around, I'm pretty excited about it. So, hey, we love you guys. Thank you for joining us today. Guess what we're gonna do? We're gonna see you next week. Until then, go love each other. Yes. All right, God bless. Be intentional. God bless. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.