The Little Things

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In this episode of Wedded Wednesday, Pastor Don and Lisa Smith tackle a quiet marriage killer: the little things that get overlooked. Not the big sins or major crises—but the small, daily moments of connection that slip away in the busyness of life.

📖 Scripture Focus – Psalm 118:24

"The Lord has done it this very day. Let us rejoice today and be glad."

Don points out that the psalmist isn't talking about yesterday or tomorrow—he's talking about today. The joy God has for you is available right now. But so often, married couples miss it because they're overwhelmed by responsibilities, schedules, and the weight of "other things."

⏳ The 5-7 Year Fade

Don and Lisa introduce a phrase they use often: the five to seven year fade. This is the season when the "contract" of marriage takes over:

• Paying bills
• Raising kids
• Running to sports and school
• Work and chores

Suddenly, the time you have for each other gets squeezed, squeezed, squeezed—until connection becomes an afterthought. And here's the truth: it doesn't change, no matter how long you've been married. Even at 35 years, Don and Lisa still wrestle with it.

💡 The Little Things That Build Up

We often say the little things can cause damage. But the little things can also build up if you're intentional about them:

• A pop-in lunch at work
• A quick text that says, "I'm thinking about you"
• A spontaneous "get in the truck, we're going" adventure
• Sitting on the back porch together, no phones, just talking

Lisa shares how she used to think going to Don's softball games was pointless—until she realized it meant something to him for her to be there. She wasn't "doing" anything, but her presence was a gift.

🛠️ This Week's Challenge

For the next seven days, find one thing every day that was a blessing—and share it with your spouse. It can be small. Just say, "This was a blessing today. I really appreciated this."

This simple practice helps fight the negative weight of responsibility and trains your heart to notice the good.

🗓️ Date Days Don't Have to Be Extravagant

Don and Lisa encourage couples to put "date days" in the budget as a line item. But don't get it twisted—a date day doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. It could be:

• Sitting on the porch watching the birds
• Holding hands and talking
• Watching a game together on the back patio (even if the mosquitoes come out!)

There's nothing unromantic about planning. In fact, it's more thoughtful because of the intentionbehind it.

💬 The Bottom Line
The crowd is never going away. Responsibilities are never going to stop. But don't overlook the little things that can be such a great blessing every day. As Lisa puts it: "Time is irreplaceable. We have to be intentional with our time."

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:09

What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session? But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday. I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you. And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful. Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it. Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy. We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast. Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together. We are live back here in the Wedded Wednesday or Talk About It Studio. Today we are here with my famous wife Lisa.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Talk about it wedded Wednesday.

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Okay, sure. Either one is great. Uh hey, we're if you're here with us this morning, we thank you for being here. Uh if you're on live, uh, welcome to Early Morning Wednesdays.

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Yes.

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If you listen to the audio version on the podcast, um, we're glad you're here. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for whenever you do listen to us.

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I'm glad I'm here.

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If you're live, yeah, I'm glad you're here too. Uh if you're live with us this morning, just go ahead and share the live so everybody knows that we're on. If you are just listening on the audio or the podcast at some later date, do us a favor. Like, share, and subscribe. There you go. There you go. And uh, whatever uh platform you listen to the podcast on, give us a rating.

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Do we have any subscribers yet?

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Yeah, oh yeah, on the podcast version.

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That's what I'm wondering.

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Yeah, yeah, that's let's listen to. It's pretty cool that maybe maybe we'll do that next week. Maybe we'll give everybody some um updates as far as like where Wedded Wednesday is being listened to.

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Obviously, I don't know how to check how many subscribers we have.

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No, you have to do that through the back door of the app.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

I must not have the back door.

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Oh, no, you don't.

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He has access.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Yeah, you just listen to it on uh Spotify or Apple Podcast. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Yep, or the podcast app, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Yep. Mm-hmm. That's good. So, anyway, I have a scripture for us today for Wedded Wednesday. Thanks for joining us. We're gonna get right at this. Okay, uh, because we have some appointments for later here today. We want to get right at it. So um, excuse me. Uh Psalms chapter 118. Okay, Psalms 118. Excuse me. Verse 24. The Lord has done it this very day. Let us rejoice today and be glad. This very day.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

The Lord has done it this very day.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

This very day. Everything.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

How about the little things? Okay. That's what we titled. I titled this today. So again, uh Lisa just comes into the studio, she sits down, she's nervous. If I sound like I don't know what I'm doing, oh you know exactly what you're doing, but that's what we love about having you on the podcast is that it's raw, it's real, and I think that that's what most people appreciate. Here's a question uh for most marriages that we want to deal with today. Um, how how often do you think other, the other things, other in quotation, other things get in the way of keeping married people from experiencing the joy that God really wants them to have each day?

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Repeat that question.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

It was a long question. It was very long. I was trying to three in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

I was trying to absorb it, but it was. Things that get in the way.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Little things. Like, okay, you know, we got all these plans you want to spend some time together, but got chores, but got work, but got to pay bills, but all of them.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

Some of those things are big things. They're not always little, but I think it's the little things that they accumulate on the city.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Okay, so all those things can accumulate. So you gotta take care of the kids, gotta run the kids to sports, take the kids to school, gotta feed the kids, put the kids in bed. Those are all the things, okay. So I guess what I'm really posturing is then how does how does how how does all of that tend to affect uh married couples? We we tend to use a phrase that we call the five to seven year fate.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Why do we use that phrase?

SPEAKER_02 5:01

Is that when you start getting comfortable with each other? That a little too comfortable, maybe probably familiar. So then and also you don't try as hard.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

The contract part of marriage to try as hard for the intimate personal times, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:21

So just like in our then you start having kids, things start happening like all those responsibilities, other responsibilities, other things. Yes, the other things.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

So for instance, this is wedding season right now, at the time of the recording of this here in Michigan, and it's a short season usually because of the weather and things like that. But um, you know, oftentimes when we see young couples who are getting married and we s we spend some time with them beforehand, we tell them, hey, you know what, why don't you just give yourself two or three years before you start having kids?

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Mm-hmm. Yes. Why? Because I think that gives you time for each other. And you have to I'm sorry, you learn to live with someone else that's not gonna be a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Now it's not a sin if you don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

That has yeah, it just gives you time. I know lots of people who've had children right away and they're just as blessed. But our advice is to take time for yourselves to uh learn one another and learn how to live with one another. You know what I mean? Because you're living with someone that probably thinks differently about what putting something up means or clean or you know the um just getting used to.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

So what happens in this five to five to seven year fade, okay, is the contract aspect of marriage has taken over. So you gotta pay the bills, you gotta go to work, you gotta do the chores, you got the responsibilities. And what happens is the the time that you have for each other continues to get squeezed, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Until ultimately you know we've been time. And it doesn't change.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

It doesn't change no matter how long you've been married. I mean, we've been married for almost 35 years, and it's still the same way. And we still wrestle over it. You know what I'm saying? Like time together, the little things that we get to do together. Uh so you know, sometimes we even do that with our relationship with God. Sometimes we forget to think or to thank God for the little things that in reality perhaps aren't so little. For instance, that simple little lunch date. You don't have a lot to say today.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

That simple little lunch date, what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

It seems little. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

No, it it doesn't to some people. But I think it can mean a lot to others. I mean, I know that there have been times you've been very busy and I usually ask if you've eaten. But occasionally I pop in with something and you not expecting it because I know he hasn't eaten. But and then I'll just come sit here and I'll eat lunch with him. Just to make uh a connection throughout the day.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Yep. So that's the thing, right? The simple little gift of a single day. So yes, psalm says the Lord has done it this very day. So like this day is important. He did it's not the the the psalmist isn't talking about yesterday, or he's not talking about some looking forward to something in the future. He's talking about just sitting in that moment, let us rejoice today and be glad, because the Lord has done it this very day. So, what we're saying is that like we want to make sure we don't miss the the little things that we think aren't so big, but oftentimes for married people who tend to be working, tra you know, getting involved, everything's going on. Um children, all of the things that all of the things that the little things can actually be the big things. Yes, it because it's this day, you know what I'm saying? And and let's get I'm we get to go on vacations or things like that, and we look forward to those, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Like Yeah, but that's not that's not the the everyday thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

No, but so that's not the norm. The the 24 hours a day that the Lord gives us, how how man, how many, how much struggle do you think it is, even for us? If it's a struggle for us, I know it's a struggle for everyone, uh, just to spend any time together without any kind of other pressure, just relational time in that 24 hours. I think it's difficult. It's very difficult. Yeah. And uh we're not blaming other people. We're saying, hey, that's we often get bogged down with the responsibilities that that uh you know pass in the day and it robs us of the blessings I think that we should have. We miss out on the joy that God has for us each day. And so missed moments um with your spouse are i I would say this word irreplaceable.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

I agree. I mean, time is irreplaceable. And I I think that's why I always say we have to be intentional with our time. And does the enemy try to come in and rob and steal our time? For sure. Yeah, whether it's m moods or whatever, and you know, it can even rob a lunch date from you because it can do all of a sudden things get tense because of what? Because the enemy doesn't want you to connect.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

So that's the that's the struggle with every marriage. Newlyweds, I don't want to say olderly weds. Seasoned, seasoned people, couples. So we're thinking that it it'd be wise, you know. Every week we just want to kind of give you and ourselves and everybody around us a little bit of advice about uh marriage that can help us in little ways, because it's the little things that add up that weigh us down, but why can't it be the little things that add up that bless us?

SPEAKER_02 11:16

Well, that's the thing. I think we always uh say it's the little things that can cause damage, but it's the little things that can also build up.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

If you're intentional about it, whether it's popping into their work and just bringing them a drink and surprising them, even if they don't have time, you know, for much. And there have been times that I've showed up here and you're still working, but I still sit here and eat my lunch. Yeah. And you're eating your lunch, but I'm in the same room with you. I tried to make that connection.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

This past weekend, Saturday, I was just like, hey, just get in a truck, we're gonna go. And you were like, Well, we don't have the address. I said, We'll find it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 12:02

And it was like a- And we would have never found it if the person did not send us the address.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

At the same time, I was just saying, so what if we don't find it? Right. I said, At least we're getting an hour or two together because it was like an hour to get where I wanted to go, and then it would have been an hour to get back, and we would have been, you know, just driving, and there would have been none of the other things. And I was like, what if we don't find it? At least we got to spend some time together. But just in the truck, and and it was, you know, it was just kind of uh a non-pressured trip.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

Oh, yeah, it was non-pressured, except you're ready to go. Boom, right then.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

I was just ready to go.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

I was not prepared for that.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

I was like, just get in the truck. We're just sitting and chilling. And he says, Let's go over here. I go, Oh, when? Right now. She was like, now I was like, Yeah, just get in the truck and go. No pressure, no, no things. You don't have to pack a suitcase.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

No, but you gotta give someone a warning so they can use the bathroom to all the things to get their stuff. It was so much fun, just that little truck and waiting like two seconds after he said that. Because I was just so excited.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

We had this we had this couple of hours where it was like, hey, even if we don't accomplish what I wanted to accomplish, it we had this couple of hours together. So yeah, I I was just like uh wanting to escape. Yeah, you know. Um, so wouldn't it be wise, I think, you know, here on Wedded Wednesday, as we were talking to you and just saying, this week, can you just sit down as a couple and figure out how to make time with each other a priority?

SPEAKER_02 13:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Uh now we've often talked about date days and that kind of thing. And when we do uh premarital counseling and crisis marriage counseling, we always talk about putting date days in the budget as a line item issue. Uh make and that makes you plan. And there's nothing unromantic about planning. Being in the world. Now I thought Saturday was pretty cool because it was spontaneous.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

We do have some occasional spontaneous.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Yeah, but there's nothing unromantic about planning stuff. No, there isn't.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

Um I think it's actually more thoughtful because of the intention to show each other um love and give each other time.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

I think it's a shame uh for you and I and everyone around us who's married, um, that we miss fresh joy uh that's waiting for us every day uh because of schedules. Right? Right. And uh, you know, the the psalmist tells us the Lord has done it this day. And I I love that it's in the moment. I I really that scripture when I read it this morning just kind of like hit me. Well, the Lord has done it this day.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

And how many times have you read that scripture?

SPEAKER_01 14:45

A lot so many, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

And isn't it amazing how how new and refreshing the word is every time you go to the world? Especially when you put it in the context something different to you.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Yeah, because I don't I don't think that the psalmist was writing this particular scripture about marriage, but we can put this scripture in the context of marriage and say the Lord has done it this day. What has the Lord done in your marriage this day? What does the Lord want to do in your marriage this day? And then, you know, let us rejoice and be glad today in that. And um, I I heard um How many couples do you think ask themselves, What does the Lord want to do in my marriage today?

SPEAKER_02 15:26

I don't think that's even a question that I've thought about.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

I think it was someone posted it this morning. I think maybe it was Lynette. Uh she posted a song by Forrest Frank that said, I woke up next to a blessing today.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

I don't guess I've ever heard that song.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

It's a Force Frank song, I think.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

And again, I don't think I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

And he was talking about in the song, I think he's talking about just being grateful to be able to wake up next to the blessing. Uh in that sometimes do you do you feel that way? That's the problem, right? And why? Because something's overloaded that's robbed us of um connecting. Connecting. And then we think, well, unless we have some big way to connect, we're never gonna do it. But really, we overlook the little things that add up. So, like that pop-in lunch, or like that quick little phone call that says, Hey, I love you, or that quick little text that says I'm thinking about you. I hope the rest of your day goes good. Or, you know, like, hey, get in the truck. Let's go right now. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, oh, lots of funny things happen that day. Okay. Uh oh, this is what we're doing. Yeah, this is what we're doing. Just get in the truck. And and and you know, it was just like super spontaneous, and uh it was really a lot of fun. We we wound up accomplishing the task that I wanted to to to do. Uh, but in all of that, have other things gotten in the way that keep you from experiencing the joy God has for each of you each day. And how can you and your spouse remedy that problem? Well, you can do that by sitting down and just saying, you know, how do we how do we make this a priority? Uh and so I think date days are important.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

I think uh that spontaneous moment, I think not overlooking the little things are.

SPEAKER_02 17:13

And the thing is, I think everybody gets that whole date day thing uh wrong because they think we're talking some big extravagant thing that costs a lot of money. A date day could actually just taking time sitting with each other on the porch.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

And watching the birds, whatever, just having a conversation, not looking at our phones, or holding hands, or sitting out sitting out back late at night watching the soccer game together on the back patio. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:44

But the other night I was just like, this was awesome. We just set out back, and and you were like, Really? Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

It's like, no, it was there was once it got dark though, the mosquitoes start, something started biting me. I was just like, I'm done.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

They tend to like you a lot anyway.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

So but at least the game was over by that. I said, Yep, time to go in.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

USA lost, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Anyway, everybody knows that. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Um, it was yeah, it was a sad night, but at least we were together. See, the Lord has done it this very day. We were together.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Um so I think that that was. We might have had more fun with a bunch of guys watching soccer, but no, it was fine.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

I think that um what we want to encourage everyone to do is not overlook the little things that can uh be such a great blessing in your life every day. Yeah, one way to do this is to on purpose think about each day, seven for the next seven days.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Oh, is this a challenge you're giving us?

SPEAKER_01 18:49

It is. One thing, one thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

This goes for us too.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

One thing every day that was like this was a blessing. Whatever it is.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

Are we supposed to tell each other that or we just want to do that?

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Yeah, why not? This was a blessing. I really appreciated this today. And what it does helps us fight the negative aspects of the weight of responsibility and uh all the things that crowd into our schedule. So I think it's great. It's good. Hey, thanks for joining us today.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

I mean, we're not I mean, these things can be life-changing if you implement this day.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

And and I think maybe the psalmist is.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

I got a friend.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I got a friend, I don't know if he's still listening, Tony Gonzalez. He just he always pushes that too, right? Like uh be in the present.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

Be in the present, be present now. Uh, and uh that's very important. I think that's a good piece of advice, Tony. Uh especially even for married people. Especially overlook the moment, being present, being together. Uh, and and and you might even learn to appreciate the things that are happening that you didn't even notice because you just think uh it's not a big deal.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

Right. And it really is like to me, it wasn't a big deal sitting outside. But it was to me, but it was to him. I mean, I always go back to when you first started playing church softball. I know nothing about softball, I didn't play sports, I didn't do that type of thing, so it wasn't a thing for me. It I got no thrill in sitting around watching that, but I knew how important it was for him to have me go. And at first I was like, uh, I really don't want to go there because I could be washing laundry, I could I have chores I need to do at home while he's gone. And then I realized, you know what, it means something to him for me to be there, even though I don't feel like I'm actively doing a thing. Right. You know, um, so all these years later, I still try to go to his games. I might miss a few, but it's little things, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 21:01

And so that's what we're encouraging you to do. Don't overlook them. I think the psalmist is 100% correct about noticing today uh with each other and appreciating that aspect of it. So good. Right, hope you appreciate it. Let's pray, Lord. Uh, please be the keeper of our schedule. Show us how to use our time wisely. I think putting you first, God, will always help us to never overlook the small things that you're doing on the daily in our marriage and in our relationships, those daily joys that you set before us for each other. And so, God, we help you. What we ask that you help us uh press into that in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

Father God, I just ask that you reveal to each one of us what the little things are that mean the most to our spouses, Father God, and that you will give us a desire to be and do those things for them, Lord. Help us serve one another so that we can serve you even better, and so that we can bring glory to your name and honor in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Amen.

SPEAKER_02 22:04

Amen.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

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Why wouldn't they give us five?

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That's what I'm saying. It all helps the algorithms and those types of things. There's some show notes in uh the podcast format with some links as well. Uh, and uh, you could click on those and explore those and see where it's at uh for sure. So, hey, we love you guys.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

We appreciate you listening and watching.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

And thanks for being here every week. We cannot wait for next week. Until then, we want you to have a good week. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Have a great week. Be blessed.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

See you later.